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funny things toddlers say

From their innocent questions to hilarious comebacks, one thing’s for sure: life with a toddler is never dull

Sure they might throw the odd tantrum, but at this age, chances are your little one will crack you up with some of the phrases they come out with. We asked our members to share some of the toddler insights that made them laugh, cry or cringe! If you’ve ever hung out with a toddler, you might recognise some of these…

Public displays of awkwardness

“My friend’s toddler was in a supermarket, pointed at the wine and said out of nowhere, ‘Look Mummy, breakfast!’ Needless to say she made a quick exit after that!” – Teri

“My two year old is going through a very intense chocolate phase at the moment and often asks for it repeatedly in public. It can be interesting, as she can’t quite pronounce the ‘h’ in ‘choc’ yet… – Clare

Show a little love

“I recently asked my son Leo for a cuddle (it was mid afternoon), and he said, ‘Maybe after dinner…’ Charming!” – Chris

“My little one asked, ‘Mummy, when you get married do you have to kiss each other?’ When I told her yes, she looked horrified and said, “Yuck, that’s disgusting!’” – Anne

“Sid said to my wife, ‘I love you mummy…’ and before she could react, added, ‘…but I love daddy more.’ Awkward.” – Simon

Toddler logic

“When asking about their little friend at nursery: ‘Mummy, when Kitty grows up will she be called Catty?’” – Judith

“My toddler will often refuse to use a certain plate or cup. When I ask why, she says, ‘I don’t like white, it’s too whitey.’ Ooo-kay…” – Charlie

“In the bath the other night my son revealed that he thought his nipples were just extra belly buttons. Useful to have spares…” – Cleo

“My little one won’t touch tomatoes because he thinks they’re called ‘Bumatoes’” – Ben

Your biggest critic

“As we were walking to nursery recently, my three-year-old daughter announced, ‘Mummy, you’re walking like a horse.’ Slightly puzzled (and wondering why no-one else had spotted this before), I asked her why. It turned out is was the ‘clip clop’ noise my boots were making on the pavement!” – Kirsti

“My toddler looked at his dinner of chicken nuggets and chips – admittedly not my greatest work – and said in a depressed voice: ‘It’s a dream come true.’” – Becky

Cute mistakes

“I was amused to hear my little one singing along to Madonna’s song Papa Don’t Preach but when I listened carefully, he was actually singing ‘poppadom bridge’” – Hannah

“My toddler mixes up the names for things all the time. A few classics: Fairy up liquid, Diet Cope, and the meatmonger (butcher). He’s also going through a phase of lengthening everything as a way to make himself understood, like ‘post-a-letter box’ and ‘happy-birthday cake’! It’s very sweet.” – Carrie

One toddler’s trash…

My daughter recently made a beeline for the bin and started rifling through it, pulling out rubbish and dirty things a toddler shouldn’t touch! When I told her to stop it because it was dirty, she responded, ‘Mumma, you need to chill out.’” – Brea



Tesco Baby Club is closing on 17 December 2018.

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